As I was leaving my apartment today, I stepped outside and looked up into the late afternoon sky and an all to familiar feeling swept over me. Even though we are quickly approaching spring, their was an hint of autumn in the air that reminded me of my favorite time of year in Seattle. The way the hazzy blue sky looked as night slowly began to take hold made me feel peaceful for the first time in days. When asked, most Seattleites would say that summer is their favorite time of year for reasons I need not explain. For me, it's fall.
I have been struggling with my longing for Seattle since moving to Taiwan which ultimately, was one of several reasons for the recent demise of my relationship. Breakups are never easy and certainly not any easier that I am away from my family and friends. Truth be told, my immediate reaction was to get on a plane and go home. Home being Seattle. Home is where the heart is afterall and my heart is in Seattle with my family, friends, and of course, my cats. But as I reflect on the other reasons I came out to Taiwan, I realize that running home would be exactly what the Seattle Amanda would have done. Home is afterall, easy and safe. I have my mommy to hold me and tell me that 'this too shall pass' and 'the right person will love all of Amanda and accept you for who you are.' She still told me all that but over skype and not while she was craddling me in her arms. Not quite the same but it still made me feel better.
As much as I know Seattle holds all of my true loves, I'm here in Taiwan and am finding happiness in a sad time. Taiwan is truly a beautiful place if you can manage to escape the concrete jungle I temporarily call home. This past weekend I had the pleasure of seeing some of Taiwan's finest places and cultural events, Longdong and Pingxi Lantern Festival.
Even though I am approaching my 30th birthday, I still have a hard time saying words like 'Longdong' without laughing quitely to myself(or at least trying to). But if you ever come to Taiwan, Longdong is a place you must see. Off the Northeast coast of the island, Longdong is a rock climbers paradise. On a long row of gleaming sandstone cliffs, I worked my way up the wall with determination. I always knew I would like rock climbing and it wasn't until hanging out with John that I really had the opportunity to try it. I admit, my fear of heights made it somewhat intiminating at first but as I slowly began to trust the rope, belayer, and most importantly, myself, I wiggled my way up the sandstone until I reached the top and looked over my shoulder. The view was unreal. Miles and miles of Pacific Ocean, sandstone cliffs, and freedom. With everything I've been feeling lately, for the first time I felt really happy to be hanging many feet off the ground with the wind kissing my face and the smell off seawater lingering in my nostrils. I've missed you my friend. It's been awhile. Living in West Seattle, smelling salt water was a daily occurance and one I didn't realize I loved until moving here.
We packed up around 5:30 and headed home up the trail to catch the bus home. I wanted to get a good nights rest because the next day I was meeting my friend Elizabeth to go to the Pingxi Lantern Festival. Something not to be missed.
I met Elizabeth around noon at the Taipei Main Station and we began the two and a half hour journey to Shifen where the festival was being held. It was nice to be around someone, a friend that I could talk to. Elizabeth is one of those people that you instantly feel comfortable with and it was refreshing to be able to have girl time and just talk and sort throuh how I was feeling.
After a frustrating couple of hours hopping from one train to another, we finally arrived. Upon exiting the train, we were met with the sound of firecrackers being blown up and the smell of street food. Mission one, eat. As Elizabeth and I meandered up the street, we stopped at various food stalls and tried an array of treats from twice fried sweet potatoes (nothing is better then something fried at least twice), mushroom sticky rice you eat your hands, chocolate and apple slushy and of course sausage wtih garlic and onions. My tastebuds where more than happy.
As we worked our way up the street stopping to take pictures whenever possible,we talked with the comfort and ease of old friends. We shared various stories about our lives; where we came from, what we hoped for ourselves, and what we would wish for when we sent our lantern off into the sky. I forgot how much I love getting to know new friends. The little things that you connect on and the feeling you have when you realize you just talked for 9 straight hours with no awkward pauses. It's kindof like the feeling you get when you realize you met a guy you can finally be yourself around.
Elizabeth and I made our way to the area where they were sending the lanterns into the night. This was truly like nothing I've seen before and I have to say, one of the best days I've had in Taiwan so far. Watching the lanterns float off into the sky, I was overwhelmed with clarity and peace of mind. I do believe there is purpose and reason behind everything and yes, I now know this too shall pass. I deserve so much more. As I sent my own personal lantern into the night, I closed my eyes and made my wish. On the train ride home, crammed in like sardines, I was for the first time, at peace and filed with a confidence I have't had in quite some time. I smiled and thought to myself, there you are Amanda. It's been awhile.
Until I return to my true loves (when that is is still unclear) I will be exploring as much as I can. I may have moved out to Taiwan for love but in the end, maybe the love I find is not with someone else but even better, with myself.
